I am right here

There is a particular line in last week's episode of Glee that resonants in me. (I am using present tense because it still is while I write this post.) Kurt was by the hospital bed of his dad as he was waiting for his dad to wake up from coma. He was reminiscing and started crying when his dad moved a finger. He then held his dad's hand and said,

"I am right here, I am not going anywhere."

Fortunately, the same line applied to me in a totally different context and meaning. I just felt that those words are the most comforting words one can ever say. In this vast empty world as the lives of people just buzz by each other day by day, one can feel lonely at times. Facing the uncertainties of the future, responsibilities of the present and bearing the burdens of the past, one can easily feel overwhelmed.

However, one can find comfort and strength when one knows that he is not alone, that no matter what happens, he has friends and families who care. Because at the end of the day, that seems to be largely the only thing that matters. I have come to realise this. Therefore, no matter how daunting the future seems, I still find courage in moving on.

The purpose of this post is remind myself that I will do the same for the people around me. No matter what happens, I will be there. No matter what the future holds, you are not alone.

It is a pity that the person that uploaded the video to youtube disabled the embed option so I can't post it here. You can use the following link to view the video. (:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQPmJahDWl8

I am not going anywhere.

I am a believer

In case you guys do not know, I quit facebook. Okay, not exactly quit, I am most likely going back. However I have no idea when. I shall abstain for facebook as long as I deem fit.

Wth?!

Yea. The reason behind quitting facebook for now is so that I can free myself from all the distractions and focus better. There are so many distractions in this world such as the media, the Internet, handphones etc. I have quit using msn messenger too. Well, I have not consciously decided to quit but I have largely stopped using it too. If you guys are looking for me, you guys have my email. Ironically, I have been on skype most of the time. This is because I have much less people on my skype. Much much less. The people that I talk to on skype is less than 10.

Focus on what?!

Focus on whatever I want to do? Too long a story. Life is too short a time.

It takes little effort in being a critic and saying that something wouldn't work. It takes real guts and courage to put in your heart and soul in believing and trying to see if something works.

You can stay in your comfort zone and protect yourself from all the harm in the outside world. This way, you will most probably never get hurt but you also will never grow. The only way to find out if anything can work is to try.

Only the future holds the truth.

after the darkest hour

After the darkest hour in the longest night, the sun peeks over the horizon.

The birds will sing their favorite song.

The trees will cheer as they sway in the wind.

The horses stomp over the pasture once again.

The land rejoices in the sun's embrace.

For victory is finally here and it is here to stay.

mada mada dane.

no one friggin' cares

This is once again, a brief entry. Too many a times I have come by here to be addressed by a dead blog. Sometimes I hope that someone would update my blog for me. Tsk. Such a chore. LOL.

To be honest, I have been busy. Doing a lot of stuff. Trying to get pieces of my life sort out. Thinking about the future. Etc. Busying being human in a sense.

Well, I found my direction in life, so now I am working towards it. That's essentially what I have been doing.

Let me share something with you guys while I am here. Let the O' Wise One shed some light.

"At the end of the day, no one friggin' cares what you do."

What?!

Yes, you heard me right. Whatever you are doing now, five, ten years down the road, no one will even remember. Whatever dispute or problem that you are facing now that seems so big and important, imagine five years later, in hindsight, it does not even matter.

Think about it, some old issue that was so critical and important that you got so stressed about it, what do you think about that situation right now? It is just some old distant memory.

At the end of the day, you are the only person that you need to face. When you are buried in your coffin, you would be buried alone.

Be at ease with yourself. Whatever you do, do with a clear conscience. Find a direction in life and run with it. No point looking back. No point wondering what others would think.

Your life is yours, isnt it?

Then live it like its yours.

she is coming as fast as she can.

So many things to say, so many things to do, so many roles to play. Sometime in life when everything just seem so hectic and things just keep pouring at you and you dont know where to start, maybe it is time to take a step back and breathe. Take a look around you and see what is really happening. Consider your options. Ultimately, be clear of your priorities. If you are only able to achieve one thing in life, what would it be?

Everything else may be good to have but there is one thing that you cannot afford to not get it done. Subconsciously, you already know which "thing" I am talking about. Most of the time, it is something that we have all been trying to bury at the back of our minds because it is troublesome or takes a lot of effort. It is something that we have all been trying to avoid.

Maybe it is also because that that "thing" that we want to achieve is not easily achieved. Why put in so much effort and risk losing everything and failing, when we can just sit back and "enjoy life"? After all, life is short, isn't it.

Oh crap, this is becoming a real blog post. I started writing because I wanted to use this blog post as a filler to cover some now-not-so-hidden meaning. I shall stop here. I shall save the rest of the post for another day. A personal secret project, if you will.

In the meantime, dear friends, take a moment at set your priorities straight. When we all grow old and frail and take a look at what we have done with our lives, what do you really want to see?

Take a moment to imagine.

Then again, the boy has been waiting since forever.

please shed me some light

i found out that for the new doctor of veterinary medicine program in melbourne. they will only be taking 120 students. 50 local students. 50 international students. and 20 straight from high school.

the school fees for the last 3 years will be around 45k aussie dollars per year. with contact hours per week of up to 40hours. the road infront of me somehow just got pretty shitty ass dim. (who turned off the lights?) its all because its a new program and its some sort of a double degree course thats why they are making it so exclusive and expensive. gawddd.

i know i have always been preaching that if you have the will there will always be a way. at the end of the day it's how much you want it.

i want it a lot. i want it really badly. but how much do i need to sacrifice to get what i want? at the end of the day if i give in my 101% would i guarantee achieve what i set out to achieve?

i am not one who worries about the future. i still strongly believe in what i say. i have always been so confident that if i put in every ounce of my effort, i can achieve my dreams. but when i realise that the road in front of me just got tougher. and the uncertainties of my future just got multiplied tenfolds.. no seriously. where in the freaking world am i gonna dig out 135k aussie dollars for 3 years?!?! if its a duel of courage i have tons. but when its about money. this whole freaking shit just got way too complicated.

last night when i was lying on my bed trying to sleep. i cant help but start doubting for a split second. burying my face in my pillow asking for some help. some advice. some direction. from any source possible. what if i fail? what if i dont get it. what if i go back singapore empty handed. what if everything just goes to waste.. what if this whole thing is unachievable in the very first place?

how am i supposed to face my parents.. and my sister.. and everyone else.. who have such high hopes of me.

how am i supposed to face myself. for disappointing myself yet once again.

i know that all i can do now is just try my best and just hope for the best. but what if at the end of the day i fail? what happens next. where am i supposed to go.

i gave up everything back home to come here to chase my dream. i cant go back empty handed.. too much is at stake.

somehow all these years the load on shoulders just never seem to lessen. its just a different load. different responsibility. i have been shouldering all the load with great pride. but right now when it matters the most. when i am facing practically the biggest challenge of my effing life. ( even freaking brunei pales in comparison) what would happen if i screw up this time round?

the usual me would tell myself only time would tell! just try your best now. thats what i have been doing. i just had physics test today. i am quite confident of getting full marks unless i made a careless mistake. i forgot about my philosophy mock test today. but i got 50/50. i think it's because i have been revising consistently. i have been pretty much kicking some serious prc butt in school.

but how long can i keep up with this..

but what if all these are not enough..

i know i can do this! but what if i wouldnt..

i know this is a pretty confusing entry. it's just the negativity in me trying to surface while the usual me is trying to kick it back down.

i pasted this beside my table. to remind myself. every single day.