second family

i found this blog draft hidden in my account. didnt know i didnt finish this post! shall take time now to finish it(:

----1st night of chinese new year! chu yi. before i flew off!------

went to visit my godmum for chinese new year. visited her earlier this year because i am flying off soon. i dont remember what block nor unit she stays in. but somehow every year i have no trouble making my way to the door. i dont visit her often either. twice a year perhaps? once during chinese new year and once on her birthday. D: i know. i truly regret. even though i rarely visit her. every single time she treated me with the same warm hospitality. every single time i left her place telling myself i should visit her more often this year. and every year i fail to do so in the end. every year i got tangled in my own busy life. and this time, i wouldnt even get the chance because i am leaving 2 days later.

freak. why. sometimes i feel i dont deserve all these. i havent been filial. i havent been doing much.

this year when when i approached the door. i saw 2 familiar yet distant faces. they gave me the puzzled look. bing-jie and bee-jie. i called them. (wrongly though, i mixed them up. tsk.) they gave me the same puzzled look. then i said,' im haoting la' then they went 'HAOTING!?' the last time i saw them was, i dont know, when i was 3 or 5?! before kindergarden. okayy now that i think of it, its freaking way back. now i am like freaking 183cm. i didnt get to see them i think because they were overseas most of the time.

told them i am going overseas to study in 2 days. godmum almost cried. ): she stuffed me with food as usual. thats her way of showing love. she gave me a big hongbao. plus the fact that i am leaving. whichh. i feel heart wrenching because she is not working. and i dont think i ever did anything to receive so much from her.

bing-jie is married already. her daughter is 10 years old. i didnt even go for her wedding. but she still treat me so well. asking how am i doing and stuff. she's the eldest and she still has that big sister feeling around her (:

at one point kim jie and bee jie were like telling me to go and try all the stuff in melbourne that i cant try in singapore. bing jie was like no. dont listen to them. just go and study. then suddenly i was stuck in the middle. lol. and i felt the situation very familiar. i dont know why. because it's not like i can recall much from my younger days. but that very moment we certainly felt like family(: at least for me. hahahh. after soooooo longggg. where have i been seriously. i just got carried away with my own life. rv. ac. mrc. bbal. army. the usual excuse every single time.

hao gor looks the same too! hahahh. we had quite a long chat. about me studying. about what he has been busy with. okay mostly me just listening to his advice about me studying and things about the future. i can really feel the care and concern. seriouslyyy.

sighh. i realise i am very prone to this. i just come and go from people's lives. bad habit. now i truly regret and hope that all is not lost. especially my godmum. who watched me grew up. and when my wings grew big enough i just flew away. i visited her once in a while but the most also twice a year. ): and now i wouldnt be there for her birthday for the next 6 years. effffffffff. effff.

i was pretty amazed how easily i fitted in that night. maybe it's because how all of them are friendly people! which is definitely true. it just aint fair for them, like after not seeing me for so uber long, to start treating me like their younger brother again just by me popping by at their door. sigh. there are always certain actions to lead to a cause. so theres no point crying over spilled milk i guess.

i cant believe i freaking appeared after so long to tell them that i am going overseas to study for 6 years. wth was i thinking.

and only when you are leaving would you step back and look back at all the things that you have done huh.

and now that i have left, it seems like things will never be the same. well. it never was the same isnt it.