dear cousin

ONGJIELI!

okay lah. cant be you dedicate an entry to me then i dont go the same righttt!

hahah. come to think of it. i didnt expect you to cry. or at the very least i didnt expect you to cry before i did. maybe i was too occupied taking photos and talking to people. i was keeping myself busy catching my last few moments in singapore for a very long time that i became ignorant. i forgot that hidden deep underneath that passive, easy-going guy lies a warm-hearted soul. me, of all people, should have known.

you are right. remember the memories we shared. as i close my eyes and recall. ever since 3b 4b. after that acjc. even relief teaching in rv. then ocs in bravo. then as 2LT in tekong. pretty much the entire most important period of my life that i can remember, you have always been there. without fail. you can say its because of fate. you can say its because of circumstances. but freak in acjc we wouldnt even in the same class nor cca. and i was in mrc and basketball so i was one hell of a busy guy. in tekong you were in rocky hill and i was in ladang. it wasnt entirely fate if you ask me.

i think you are the only guy that i ever watched a movie with alone. not to mention we did that more than once. like i told you before we have 300 plus mutual friends on facebook. quite a few mutual cliques. i see you practically everyday. and that emo night when we sat at the stairs at railmall and drink booze. we tell each other everything. well at least i did. i think. you have seen the ugliest side of me. my most stupid moments. my worst decisions. my darkest secrets. but you never left. you have always been there. the hellish night at arena. (omfgg) you were there when i needed you the most. you brought me home. you took care of me. and then we took turns to puke at your toilet. lol.

everyone has multiple sides to themselves. people behave differently infront of different people. like how some people need to be good boys infront of their parents. (just an example.) but when i am with you. i dont need to be anybody. i dont need to hide my flaws. i can just be me. because you know everything theres no point hiding anything. you know all my flaws and you still stayed. for so long.

when i was going around hugging people at the airport before i enter the glass gates. i forgot who already. i think it was debbie. she told me. jieli crying already. i spiraled in circles looking for you. then i saw you hiding in some corner with your back facing me. i was thinking 'no, no, no. please dont.' i didnt want you to cry.

when i finally approached you and gave you a hug. my heart really broke. i didnt want you to cry. not you. the guy with the default stone face. i didnt want myself to be the reason for your tears. tears that have not flowed for so long. it was heart wrenching.

when i was on the plane and read your message. i couldnt hold back my tears anymore. we have gone through so much together. thick and thin. so much shit so much crap and so much joy. for so long. efff. as i am typing this entry in my mac's word processor because the internet here effing sucks. tears are starting to swell up already.

YOU MUST TAKE CARE KAE. THERE ARE MORE MEMORIES TO COME. THIS IS NOT THE END. DEFINITELY ABSOLUTELY. IT WILL BE TOUGH BUT IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE. OF COURSE IT WOULD TAKE CONSCIOUS EFFORT. BUT I AM WILLING TO PUT IN THE EFFORT. BECAUSE NO DREAMS IS WORTHING CHASING IF I CHASE IT ALONE. I KNOW I SHOULDNT ASK YOU TO WAIT FOR ME BUT I SURELY SINCERELY HOPE THAT YOU WILL. BECAUSE I DONT THINK I WOULD EVER FIND ANOTHER FRIEND LIKE YOU. THINGS ARE JUST DIFFERENT WITHOUT YOU HERE. YOU BETTER FILL ME IN WHEN YOU FINALLY GET YOURSELF A GIRLFRIEND. AND IF YOU LET HER COME IN OUR WAY I WILL PERSONALLY FLY DOWN THERE TO HUNT HER DOWN. YOU BETTER SHOW HER A PHOTO OF HER FUTURE COUSIN-IN-LAW. I KNOW ITS DIFFERENT NOT ABLE TO TALK FACE TO FACE BUT WE JUST HAVE TO MAKE DO WITH EMAIL MSN AND SKYPE.

having said all that, i am perfectly aware of the cruel effects of distance and time. people come and go. people change. people forget. (esp you farking idiot. told you its all in the mind.) i was kidding about dont let a girl get between us part. good girls nowadays are hard to come by. :P but yeaa. you get what i am trying to say here. things will never be the same. no doubt. the method of your involvement in my life and mine in yours just changed. to like reading the newspaper. reading the news to find out what happen. after reading you can always write to the editor. ahah.

yes i will remember everything that i sacrificed and left behind. they will not be in vain. never ever. in the meantime, take care of yourself. keep me updated about your life too. i want to know. while i am chasing my dream you should chase yours too. (: thank you for always been there for me without fail.

lots of love from your cousin chasing his dream in melbourne,

haoting(:

hahah wah. too mushy for you guys ah. cannot take all these bromance ah:P of course i have a lot of other friends that i would want to type individual entries for. but dont be jealous pleaseee. people like gang, mark shan etc etc. if you guys are even here to read this. :P jieli dedicated an entry to me so.. no need to be jealous:P you cant compare which one is more important to you, your left hand or right hand. they are both your hands! i treat you guys as my closest pals as well! you know it. after what we have been through. hahaha. no seriously. joke aside. i treat a lot of you guys like my closest friends and thats because you ARE my closest friends. and you know it(:

wah freak. the internet here is a piece of shit. have been trying to log into blogger since dont know when. tmd. wah. i just had cereals for supper. break from sushi for a while. :P but the cereal really quite nice. got raisins somemore:D but i stopped already. eating with the whole box by my side abit dangerous.

disclaimer: i typed this on 2 days ago? that was my internet was pretty shitty so i typed it in my computer first when the feeling was right. yupp(: