feelings are part of the human soul.
you feel happy, sad, angry, or even feel hungry.
yupp hunger is a common emotion for me.
lolol.
but there is one feeling i hate.
dislike.
i hate feeling helpless.
the feeling of being powerless.
this feeling is uncommon but i hate it when i feel it.
the feeling of unable to do anything about the situation.
this feeling is familiar.
like during mrc.
there was an event.
honors night. we were doing the event.
we were taking turns to have our dinner breaks.
i was having mine.
when i returned.
i realised something cocked up while i was away.
when i returned i heard the teachers talking about it.
the teacher asked me what happened.
my mrc teacher in charge explained that i was having my dinner break.
but i felt so helpless.
why wasnt i there when the problem happened.
i know its not my fault.
but. i thought i could have done something.
anything.
the feeling of helplessness that i wasnt present to savior the situation.
a quote sherman left with me when he handed over was 'shit happens'.
things always cock up. so we must always be prepared to solve the problem.
but why wasnt i there.
when i look into the teacher's eye.
i hate that feeling of helplessness.
i returned too late from dinner.
my teacher told me my presence wouldnt change anything.
because my crew is there when the problem occurred.
its not as if no one was there.
and we were taking turns for dinner.
just so happened it was my turn.
but still.
hate that feeling of helplessness.
i could have done my part.
as a member of mrc and as the vp.
wth why i suddenly talk about old times.
i hate the feeling of helplessness.
like lets say someone is in trouble but i am in no position to lend a helping hand.
i see animals in pain.
thats why i was determined to be vet.
to save all the animals out there.
because i felt that animals are more worth saving then humans.
because humans are slowly killing our earth.
humans fight among each other.
humans kill each other.
humans lie and cheat each other.
what a childish thought.
then i saw people in pain.
people that i dont know.
people that i want to help.
thats why i suddenly had the urge to take medicine course.
then i remembered my a levels.
honestly speaking.
i know what my results are going to be like already.
i took the exam myself dammit.
and the results will not be good enough to entitle me to a medicine course in local universities.
its not my inadequacy it was my laziness.
and i really regret.
if not for the fact that i cant take medicine course with my results.
i am fine with it.
so i started to do abit of research.
i decided to take SAT test.
so that i can go overseas for medicine courses.
i needed a excellent grade to entitle for overseas scholarship.
didnt sound impossible for me though.
but crap the test is in jan 26 and i aint preprared.
so i didnt register.
the next test is in may.
and i got NS.
crap.
well. wait after i come out.
2 yrs later.
shit i sound like a poseur. act noble.
not be a doctor for myself.
but be a doctor to save other people.
yeap. i am sure people will believe that.
thats the sad part about our world that needs healing.
people thinks that money makes the world go round.
they dont believe in love anymore.
every act of kindness must have an ulterior motive.
but really. medicine was the last course i wanted to take.
all my relatives asked me to take medicine.
because they know biology is my passion.
but i have settled on veterinarian course for a long time.
i was so convinced animals that we share the planet with are more worth saving.
after all. if some human beings are killing them.
some other human beings must save them.
it was recently then i started to consider taking medicine course.
thats if i am allowed to take the course with my shitty grades.
well. dont give me those talks about how my a levels results will be good and not to worry.
like i said. i took the exam myself. i knew what i wrote.
well. that wouldnt stop me from working towards my goal.
had never. has never. will never.
a few of my pals.
told me that i am a boy with big dreams.
lol.
i agree.
whats wrong with that?
the foundations of greatness are dreams.
就算地再大 天再高
人有了梦想就不再渺小
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