for this game___`` i make the rulez

well yesterday was my last day as spiderman.
happy or sad.
thats the end.


this are my 2 badges.
i got one from my teachers and one from the leadership camp.
most ccas got 1.
and i got 2.
hmm.
notice how one of the badges looks more "gold"
my friend told me everyone's badge is dull colour.
only student council's badge is gold colour.
i realised mine is gold too.
i think the dull colour one is from the leadership camp.
cheapskate.

mrs loh said yesterday that mrc is like the heartbeat of the school.
the heartbeat shows that the heart is pumping.
pumping the blood around the body.
keeping the body going.
when i heard that.
i really felt something.
i mean i can really relate to that statement.
guess now.
i am no longer part of that heartbeat.

but honestly.
i got the naive stupid feeling.
the feeling that
"if i got the chance i will do everything again"

i mean.
i truly believe i can do better.
alot of choices were made.
and i dont like some of them that i made.

i shall not condemn my efforts.
but i just believe i can do better.

but what is done is done.
it really has been a great honour serving.
serving the crew and the school.

there are small regrets here and there.
and they all accumulate to one big regret.


i will never forget the time.
when the visualiser just died out.
when the dance music just suddenly stop playing.
when the morning assembly presentation just dont play.
when the radio just went out of battery.
when the project just overheat.
when the ohp just dont turn on.
when the mic is not turned on.
when the laptop hanged.
when the fuse blew.

all the normal screw ups.
but all at the wrong time.
when it matters the most.
its not a problem to solve the problem

the feeling of being so powerless.
to be unable to
actually prevent such stupid accidents from happening.

just feel that i could have served better.
just felt that more can be done.
i used to complain that we dont get recognition.
but do we really deserve it.
because mrc is a service cca.
serving the school is our job.
why do we need people to thank us when we are just doing what we are supposed to do?
instead.
i should be the one thanking the school
thanking my crew for putting up with my nonsense.
thanking my teachers for always being so understanding.
thanking the school for forgiving us when we messed up. big time.

and i apologise to all whom i have failed.
as a vice president.
as a mrc member.
as a student.
as a friend.

most importantly.
i need to apologise to my seniors.
for the legacy they left behind.
that i promised to uphold.
for the reputation of mrc that i tried to live up to.
i have so terribly failed.

honestly i feel that i have done quite alot for the cca.
but i just cant explain this feeling of regret.
maybe its just that.
i have not done enough.